


sunlight on your skin (when i'm not around)

by crying_at_ikea



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Supernatural
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Eileen/Sam/Jess (EVENTUAL), F/F, F/M, M/M, Mostly Crack, Sort Of, Unsub | Unknown Subject, beta read by multiple people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29766618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crying_at_ikea/pseuds/crying_at_ikea
Summary: the spn gang is part of the super secret supernatural sector in the fbi. yes this is crack (mostly)
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi, Alice Winchester/Charlie Bradbury, Billie (Supernatural: Form and Void)/Rowena MacLeod, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Eileen Leahy/Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/William LaMontagne Jr., Penelope Garcia/Emily Prentiss
Kudos: 5





	1. called away

**Group Chat: super secret supernatural sector**

**Members:** tech goddess :D (Charlie Bradbury), witch spawn (Alice Winchester), taylor swift kinnie (Dean Winchester), the angel of thursday (Castiel Shurley), blood freak (Sam Winchester), moore for your money (Jessica Moore-Winchester), literal queen of hell (Rowena MacLeod), billy eyelash (Billie MacLeod)

**tech goddess :D**

GIRL IM

IDK WHAT TO SAY

**witch spawn**

please

say nothing

**taylor swift kinnie**

no no say something

**witch spawn**

i’m going to [GUNSHOT] you

**taylor swift kinnie**

die mad about it

**witch spawn**

k

**tech goddess :D**

no shut up i’m having FEELINGS

**the angel of thursday**

Do you not normally feel things?

**tech goddess :D**

wh

cas what

ANYWAY

dorothy asked me out

**witch spawn**

please tell me you said yes

**tech goddess :D**

after a lot of struggling yes i did

**taylor swift kinnie**

jfc charlie you’re useless

also we have a case :(

in fucking WYOMING

the pd there needs our help

**tech goddess :D**

🥱

fine 

**the angel of thursday**

What is the case?

**witch spawn**

six women dead in three weeks

two every saturday

one black with cornrows and the other a redhead with green eyes

**tech goddess :D**

a WHAT with WHAT

**billy eyelash**

good thing u stay in the bunker. usually. not this time actually

**tech goddess :D**

FUCK

**witch spawn**

anyway

they don’t know who it is

clearly

**taylor swift kinnie**

so we need to go help

@blood freak @literal queen of hell @billy eyelash @moore for your money get over here

**moore for your money**

oh rip we have a case

RIP AS IN RIP TO THE VICS

oh no

**blood freak**

wow i’m dating an idiot 🤧

**moore for your money**

okay gayboy 🔫 say it again

**witch spawn**

girl eye—

um chile anyways so

**moore for your money**

why are we even going

**witch spawn**

idk man the behavioral analysis unit asked for our help

**blood freak**

the supernatural/occult unit?

**taylor swift kinnie**

no the white-collar crime unit

so uh

idk what we’ll be doing

@billy eyelash billie what are we doing there

**billy eyelash**

all six women have died inside locked rooms inside locked houses inside one gated community. we will be working subtly on the supernatural aspect and openly on the regular white-collar crime aspect. it won’t be too different from what we do with units with lower access.

**witch spawn**

oh okay

**billy eyelash**

wheels up in 20. see you soon.


	2. meet the bau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jess and alice meet with morgan and prentiss. rowena calls dean a cunt (as she should). the bau is slightly perplexed by the wccu, who don't seem like regular agents

Billie sent Jess and Alice to the latest Black victim’s house, Sam and Rowena to the redhead’s house, and she and Dean went to the police department while Charlie set up in one of their hotel rooms. When Jess and Alice arrived, two members of the team from the BAU were already there.

“How come we don’t have the autopsy report for any of the victims yet?” Jess asked.

“You know, I’m not sure,” Alice responded as they approached the other two agents. “Hello, I’m SSA Alice Winchester and this is SSA Jessica Moore.”

“SSA Derek Morgan,” the dark-skinned man introduced himself.

“I’m SSA Emily Prentiss,” the brunette said. “You guys are from the WCCU?”

“Yep,” Alice said. “Jess, I’ll meet you in there; you three can brief out here. See you in a minute.”

“Is she always so abrupt?” Morgan asked, raising an eyebrow. Jess sighed.

“Yeah, unfortunately. You get used to it.” She stepped forward to shake their hands; her blonde hair swayed in the breeze as she turned away again and started toward the house. “Winchester! Gloves?”

“Whaddya take me for, an amateur?” Alice yelled back down the stairs. “They’re on the coffee table.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jess mumbled.

“Heard that!”

“You are such a freak,” Jess called, voice teasing.

“Yeah, yeah. Hop to it, girlie.” Somewhere on the second floor, a door opened with a loud creak.

Alice’s heels clicked on the tiled bathroom floor but she was careful to avoid the barely-dried puddle of blood.

“Poor woman,” she mutters to herself. “Okay, so what the fuck did this to you?” She pulled out her phone and opened a group chat.

* * *

**Group Chat: bisexual activity**

**Members:** slurpity slurp (Sam Winchester), i started the apocalypse :( (Dean Winchester), mother mother’s sister sister (Alice Winchester)

**mother mother’s sister sister**

@the boy king of hell saaaaamuel have you found anything yet

**slurpity slurp**

no

also shut up

we’re at a crime scene

**i started the apocalypse :(**

so is she??

idk if she cares

**mother mother’s sister sister**

ding ding ding

the jerk is correct

**i started the apocalypse :(**

brat. i hate you

**slurpity slurp**

jesus christ i hate you both

bye

* * *

Alice frowned and put her phone back in her pocket, turning back to the crime scene. The woman was killed in her bathtub, but she wasn’t drowned. She was stabbed seventeen times. However, the murder weapon was still unknown. It looked almost like claw marks. Blood was spattered across the entire bathroom in a huge, grotesque message:  **_GET OUT_ ** . She sighed heavily.

“Okay, freaky message, weird stab wounds, specific type…” she trailed off. She’d barely been there five minutes and had already hit a wall.

_ What the hell did this? _

* * *

Dean scowled at the wall. The police department was being remarkably uncooperative and had decided against telling them where the BAU members were when they arrived. Sure, maybe Rowena loudly calling him a cunt when he elbowed her by accident was a little off-putting, but their badges were extremely official, even if the way they acted wasn’t. When two men in suits walked into the station, both immediately sat up.

“Are you from the WCCU?” the shorter of the two asked in a softer voice than Dean expected. “I’m David Rossi, this is Aaron Hotchner. You are…?”

“I’m Rowena MacLeod,” the redhead said, standing to shake their hands.

“SSA Dean Winchester,” Dean said, nodding to the other two men. “Should we get started?”

“By all means,” Hotchner said and ushered them into the room where they had set up. “Clearly, this unsub has a type—and a message. But why?”

“Well, the women are all in enclosed, locked spaces in a community that’s been loudly touted as the safest place in town. They’re going for fear,” Rowena said. “We’ve seen this before; a lot of ’em get off on the fact that people are unsafe in their own homes.”

“The fact that the last two vics were murdered in a room thirty feet from their partners is just the unsub escalating. Jamie Brown’s husband said that nothing even  _ sounded _ amiss while she was being murdered. There is some way that they get the women to stay quiet while they stab their victims.” Dean turned away from the three other agents and looked at the pictures. Each woman was stabbed the same amount of times in almost the same exact places.

“So what we’re here,” Rowena continued from Dean’s sentence, “is how and why.”


End file.
